i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
