I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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