At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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