This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
why do cheetos always look like penises
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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