the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
