He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
