I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize