I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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