I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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