i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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