What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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