you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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