"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
