the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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