No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
