just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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