Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
