did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
