She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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