I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
