But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
