Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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