The maid of honor just puked.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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