Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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