I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
