Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
