Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
