we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize
