All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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