A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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