I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
