Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
