SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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