I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
