Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
