I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
