oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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