Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
