Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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