I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
