Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
