my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
