I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
