So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize