I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
