The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
