So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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