nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Couch. On fire.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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