i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
