I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
