I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
