God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
