:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
