were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
