Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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