you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
