Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
