i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
