You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
