dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
