what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
