she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
