You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
