that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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