VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
