I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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