I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
